Janet 4.0

In the sports world, we’d call my past year a “rebuilding” year. From getting braces, to discovering skin cancer on my face, to having elbow surgery, to undergoing an intense double jaw surgery…it’s been a lot, to say the least. But, Janet 4.0 is almost fully charged.

I watched a show on Netflix recently about how to live a rich life. It doesn’t mean your bank account has to be robust; it means living a life that is full. Living life intentionally, proactively, and abundantly. I think I’ve done well in that regard, despite my challenges over the past year. I’ve prioritized spending time with my husband, kids, and best friends on a weekly basis. I’ve taken the trips I wanted to take. I’ve pushed off work sometimes so I could volunteer, because it’s important to me. I’ve exercised even though I was tired. I’ve also ordered the gelato without guilt because calories don’t count on vacation. I’ve learned to say no to things I don’t want to do. I’m making conscious choices to shape my life into what I want it to be. 40 years feels like a long time and yet it feels like no time at all. I have so much to be grateful for, and so many amazing memories accrued, but I am confident the best is yet to come. Cheers to the next 40. I hope you’ll come along with me for the ride.

I've struggled with taking pictures after jaw surgery, because my face is still swollen and I haven't regained full function yet. I cringe at the way I look, but I didn't want to miss the chance to capture my sweet boys all dressed up.

Skin Cancer

Looks like I’ll never be a middle-aged model! This is my PSA to get your skin checked! In November I noticed a small spot on my face that felt unusual, so I went to a dermatologist.

They performed a biopsy and sure enough it was skin cancer - basal cell carcinoma. Very common and routine to remove, especially because I caught it early, but the location on my cheek, next to my eye, made me nervous. I had Mohs surgery in late December and they were successful in removing it all.

The first few days post-surgery were rough because of how the surgery site looked, but happy to say things are returning to normal now. Here's a photo progression:

Couple days after surgery

Seven days after surgery

Ten days after surgery

4 months after surgery

There's definitely a scar, but most days I don't even try to cover it with makeup because it doesn't bother me. I ordered Silagen 100% Pure Silicone Gel two weeks after surgery to help with scar minimization and I've been using it ever since. I think it's making a difference because most people don't notice the scar without me pointing it out. 

Wear sunscreen and get your skin checked regularly! 

The Second Week

I'm now in the second week post-surgery and things have definitely improved. The feelings of despair have lessened, but I'm still acutely aware of the long road I have ahead. I wear a back brace at all times throughout the day unless I'm sleeping or taking a shower. It's rigid and constricting, as it should be, so you can imagine how comfortable it is. Whenever I am not wearing it, I have a bit of terror that something is going to happen and I'll injure myself.

When I wake in the morning, I have to ask Meezy to prepare the shower for me. I need a chair to sit on and then a stool next to it that holds my soap and hair products. Everything has to be within easy reach because I don't need to be standing and sitting over and over again. Thankfully we have a hand-held shower head so that I can control the water. If I drop something, I have to yell for Meezy and ask him to retrieve it for me. When I'm finished, I step out and he helps dry my legs since I can't bend at the waist. He also helps me put on my clothes for the same reason.

After I'm ready for the day, I try to help with the kids but there's not much I can do. I can bark directions at them, but I can't physically help with their dressing. I can do some breakfast preparation, if it's simple, but I wouldn't be allowed to pour their milk if the jug was too full (i.e. too heavy). From there, Meezy drives them where they need to go and I'm left at home to fill the hours.

My days are spent focusing on walking, sitting correctly, and standing as part of my rehabilitation. I have time goals that I'm supposed to meet and I'm not supposed to remain in the same position for longer than 30 minutes without getting up and moving around. I work on the computer or do very light tasks like paying bills or writing thank-yous. I'm not allowed to do any type of housework, which used to encompass big chunks of my day! No errands, no loading or unloading the dishwasher, no laundry, no sweeping, no yardwork, no cleaning the bathroom, etc. Some people would think they were in heaven with a restriction list like that, but I'm the opposite. I live for cleanliness and organization and knocking things off my to-do list. It's very hard to walk by a sink with dishes in it and not just want to put them in the dishwasher.

A couple times a day I have to get an ice pack and lay down for 30 minutes. My back needs rest and some comfort for the trauma I've put it through. Laying down is not necessarily comfortable, though. I'm only allowed to lay on my side with my knees bent and a pillow between them, or on my back with a pillow underneath my knees. It's annoying to have to consciously remain in a strict position when all you want to do is relax. Overnight I get restless and constantly change from my side to my back and back again. I have to move very slowly and keep everything in a line when I rotate.

I haven't started driving yet, but I hope to do so by the end of this week. I've ridden in the car a couple times to places for errands, but I've stayed in the car while Meezy gets out. Once I get some independence back by driving myself, I think my spirits will improve even more.

I've been lucky through this ordeal that I have the most self-less husband around. I literally would be lost if he wasn't by my side. After him, I've been surrounded by helpful family members and friends, offering to bring food, offering to take Dutch on play dates, offering to clean the house or buy our groceries. It's truly refreshing to see my village respond when I needed help. I love you guys so much!

The following weeks are going to be filled with much of the same - limited movement and restrictions on my activities. I'm supposed to wear the back brace for 3-4 months. It's daunting to think about how long I'll be forced to forego many of the things I would've previously done, but I know it's for a good cause and I don't want to jeopardize a successful recovery.    

The First Week

Five years ago I started having back and leg pain. I can't believe I've been dealing with it for this long. I've done physical therapy, medications, injections, and even a surgery to try and correct the problem. Some things have worked for a little while, but nothing has truly addressed the core problem - I had a degenerating disk.

You should see a disk between L4/L5, like you do above and below it, but instead there's a crumbling mass with a herniation on the right side into my spinal nerve.

The nerve pain in my legs had steadily increased this year. I had to limit my activities and take pain medication just to get through each day. I knew I didn't want that to be my life, but the thought of a serious surgery was scary. I have a full-time job, a (more than) part-time volunteer position, and two small children. How could I just walk away from all of those responsibilities while I recover? After a lot of deliberation, a second and third expert opinion, and increasing pain, I decided I had to move forward. I needed a laminectomy and spinal fusion.

Once I made that decision, the hard part was picking the time to do it. There's never an easy time to halt your daily life as you know it. I knew the surgery would mean a few days in the hospital, 2 weeks of no driving, 4 to 6 weeks of trying not to work, and then months of wearing a back brace. I looked at my calendar and felt like there were a couple of events I couldn't miss, so I picked the next available date after that. It ended up being August 3rd.

My surgery took 4 hours and the surgeon said the herniation damage was more extensive than originally thought. So, there was essentially more trauma to my body during the procedure because of what they needed to do. When I got out of recovery, I was in immense pain. I was hooked up to an IV that could deliver pain meds every 8 minutes if I pressed a button, but it never seemed like any relief came. I cried a lot that first day and regretted my decision. They tried other pain medications but those first couple of days I could never get below a 7 out of 10 on the pain scale.

Despite my pain, I needed to try to get up and moving for my recovery, so they would make me log roll onto my side and then use my arms to try and sit myself up. It was excruciating. I would cry out in pain because it felt like I was ripping my back apart with every movement. Once I got to a seated position, my blood pressure would plummet and I would come close to passing out. I could never sit up for very long. I know what it feels like right before you pass out, so luckily I could prevent it from happening by forcing the nurses to let me stop whatever activity they were wanting me to do. I'm not sure how much they believed me at first, but luckily once they started taking my blood pressure while it was happening, they knew I was telling the truth. Laying down my BP would be fine, but as soon as I got to an elevated position, whether seated or attempting to stand, my BP would drop to a level like 80something over 40something.  It was so frustrating. While some patients might be walking by day 2 or 3, I was still trying to just sit up.

The first few days after surgery were dark and depressing. It's hard to fully explain the emotions I went through, but they included fear, anger, sadness, and regret. Couple that with constant pain and you can see why I felt the way I did. There were lots of tears and feelings of loneliness.

On day 5 post-surgery, a flip switched and my body started cooperating. I was able to sit up without my BP dropping, and that eventually led to standing. I was allowed to take a shower (with a lot of assistance), and I think it really helped. The water and the feeling of clean raised my spirits. It was the first day I wore something other than a hospital gown. My physical therapy was going well and I even walked a little (with the assistance of a walker). On day 6 post-surgery, the surgeon cleared me to go home. It's not like I was able to do anything on my own at that point, but I no longer had the concern that I could pass out at any moment. So, the responsibility of my care now fell on my husband and my family.

Meatless Mothers Day

I bet the title of this post has you confused. It'll make sense shortly.  Let me start from the beginning.  I've never been a fan of hunting.  When I see people post pictures online next to an animal they killed, sometimes just for the sport of it, I cringe. My mind just doesn't process the desire to shoot an animal for the heck of it. A beautiful buck's life is worth more than a dozen likes on facebook.  An antelope deserves more than getting an occasional glance from you as you pass by its stuffed head in your living room.  Don't get me started on people that hunt exotic or endangered animals. What selfish, arrogant pricks those guys are.  But, I digress. It makes me sad to think about animals dying for trophies, which leads me to the next scenario. Some hunters will justify their actions by saying they kill animals for food.  "I use all the edible parts of the deer, so it's not like I killed it just for fun."  Let me make sure I understand - you had a desire to eat a certain kind of meat, so that made it okay to kill the animal.  Was that the only food source available to you?  Do you live in the wild and procure ALL your own food by hand?  I doubt it.  There were most certainly alternatives.  

So, that has been my stance on hunting for many, many years, but I never took it any further than that. A couple months ago, a possum mom and baby decided to take up residence in our yard. It wouldn't have bothered me much except that I worry what diseases they might carry, and my dog wouldn't stop confronting them.  I feared a fight was imminent.  One day, Meezy informed me that the baby possum was hiding under the control box for our electric gate. He said, "I was going to kill it, but I knew that would make you mad."  I was shocked!  "You were going to kill it?!? How?"  He said that he probably would've found a large stick and beaten it to death.  Oh. My. God. (I know most guys reading this would have chosen the same route he did, so I understand the majority of my disdain for this approach is related to my gender).  I told him how I couldn't believe he would have it in him to literally beat an animal, a baby no less, to death.  There were alternatives!  I grabbed a small stick and scooted the possum out of our yard, into the alley.  Boom, problem solved, and everybody lived.

Fast forward to Mothers Day weekend, and we were making the 5.5 hour drive to Amarillo. I had lots of time to let my mind wander, and it wandered back to the possum scenario.  I thought again about how I definitely wouldn't have had it in me to kill a possum, and I certainly wouldn't have condoned Meezy doing that either.  Uh oh. That raised an interesting question for me.  If I don't condone other people killing animals, how can I allow myself to benefit from it?  And thus began the meat dilemma.

Was I any better than a hunter? I let someone else murder an animal, where I don't have to watch, so that I can enjoy a burger.  Man, I'm cringing just writing that.  An animal had to lose its life just so I could have 5-10 minutes of my brain telling me I was eating something yummy. It's very easy to ignore all the steps that happen before that burger shows up on my plate. Ignorance is what made eating meat so easy before. At any point in my life, I guarantee if I had to stand in front of a cow, and watch it get murdered, I would not feel comfortable eating its meat. With that said, just because I don't stand in front of it for that doesn't mean I should have a different response.  The same action still takes place, whether I'm there or not.

And that brings us to meatless Mothers Day.  I made a decision in the car, on the way to Amarillo for Mothers Day, that I would become a vegetarian.  Wouldn't you know it, we had a big cookout to celebrate the holiday.  Lol.  I enjoyed a meatless burger, and it actually wasn't bad.  There were plenty of side dishes without meat for me to partake in, as well.  It's been a month since I made the big change, and I'll honestly say it hasn't been too difficult.  There are plenty of options for me to eat, and most things are still good without meat - salad, nachos, queso, enchiladas, pasta, fried rice, sandwiches, etc. I do miss loaded queso - that was probably one of my most favorite things in the world. But, it's for the better.  I don't feel the guilt, and I actually think I'm becoming healthier.  There are a lot more leafy greens, fruits, and vegetables in my diet now!

FAQ:
Do I restrict Dutch from eating meat? No. He can make a decision about his diet when he's older.

Do I prohibit meat from being purchased in our house? No. Meezy is his own person, and my feelings don't dictate his actions.

Are you preaching to me? No, I don't preach about this. Just because I decided to be a vegetarian doesn't mean anyone else should feel like I'm pressuring them to do the same.  It is a completely personal decision, just like religion, politics, etc. I'm only writing about it because it's a substantial change for my life.

Do you think you'll make a difference in the world? No, I don't feel like me not eating meat will make even the smallest difference in the world. It is completely the result of me not wanting to feel guilty about what I eat, and where it comes from.

Are you vegan? No, I am not vegan. I am still figuring out what I feel about where dairy products come from. The animals aren't killed, but they are bred strictly for production of products for me. Many aren't kept in humane conditions.  Where I'm at right now is that I try to buy products that mention humane treatment, but I've got a long way to go before I'll feel like a responsible dairy consumer.  

Dashing down Greenville

Another 5K in the books!  This one was a little frustrating because there wasn't a shorter race option for walkers, so we had to bob and weave past them in the beginning. That slowed us down, but I ended up finishing fairly close to my 5K time earlier this month, at 32:14.  I feel like they're becoming less and less difficult, so that's certainly an improvement, even if my time doesn't reflect it!  In fact, I ran another 5K today with my sister around my neighborhood, and we talked the whole way and didn't struggle.  It's so nice to be getting back into the groove.  I've signed up for another race next month, and I hope to do another in May.  I look forward to seeing what my time is by then.

 

Be The Match Walk Run

A couple Saturdays ago, my family and I participated in the Be The Match Walk Run at Lone Star Park. I love supporting this organization, because it has made a profound impact on my life. I donated bone marrow four years ago to a young boy with leukemia, and he's alive and well today, thanks to Be The Match.  I would not have known about donating bone marrow, and we would not have found each other, without this registry. Donating to help a stranger was a profound moment in my life, because it gave me purpose.  If I do nothing else in this world, I've done that.  I know I'm a broken record about this Nelson Henderson quote, but it guides me: "The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit."  I hope my posts about the process have at least prompted a few more people to sign up.  (If you haven't, do it here).  Another reason I try to promote BTM is in memory of my uncle Pete.  He died of leukemia before I was born, leaving behind a wife and three young boys.  It makes me sad when I think about my cousins having to grow up without a father, and I wonder if things could've turned out differently for him if there had been a registry back then.  I can't dwell on "what-ifs," but I can do my part to ensure fewer and fewer people have to grow up without family members. Last plea: Donate to Be The Match, join the bone marrow registry, and spread the word!

I created the team, Hup Holland, when I signed up for the 5K and encouraged family members to join. I was thrilled when my husband, my brother-in-law, both my sisters, my mom, my niece, and my nephew signed up too.  I planned to ask for monetary support from friends and family, but didn't realize just how generous everyone would be. My bone marrow recipient's mother actually made an amazing donation, and she is a big reason for our team's success!  I'm happy to announce that our team came in third overall for money raised, and I was second on the individual level.  What a wonderful support system we have around us.  THANK YOU!

When I signed up for the 5K, I wasn't sure I'd actually be running. I haven't run a 5K in more than a year, thanks to all my back problems. I had been walking a lot lately, though, and even attempted 1 mile runs twice in the previous month. My back wasn't horrible after those, so I figured I'd give it a shot.  I could always make it a walk/run, or just walk the whole thing completely.  I didn't have high hopes, because my fitness has definitely been lacking lately. Once I started running, though, my pride took over!  I decided to force myself to keep running, just to prove that I could.  To my pleasant surprise, I was able to run the whole thing without stopping. It really is a mental, more than physical, challenge! My time was 31:54, which is quite respectable for someone who hasn't run that distance in ages.

The more impressive results were the fact that my 23 year old niece had never participated in a 5K race before and finished in 30:29. My 14 year old nephew finished 10th overall and 1st in his age division, with a time of 22:55.  Kick ass!

Way to go, Michael!

Before the race, they called up all bone marrow donors, recipients, and patients waiting for donations, to take a picture.  

Happy to be a part of this group

Enjoy some more pictures from this fun day!

Hup Holland!

Can't go wrong with balloon animals!

Good talk

The 5K girls

Proud of my niece!

Dutch with his cousin and Dad

My mom walked the full 5K, pushing Dutch.  Thanks, Mom!

In Memory

We were up WAAAAAY early for Dutch!

Another 5K in the books for the sisters!

A New Outlook

With all my back problems over the past year, working out has fallen to the wayside.  I have a hard enough time walking for long distances, let alone trying anything beyond that. As such, I gained about 7 pounds.  It really affected my self-esteem, not to mention my ability to fit into my clothes!  Gaining weight is kind of a vicious cycle.  You gain weight, which makes you feel bad about yourself, which makes you eat unhealthily, which makes you gain more weight.  A couple weeks ago, I finally decided I needed to change.  I contacted a friend who sells Advocare and bought the products necessary to complete the 10-day cleanse.  I wanted a clean slate and rules to follow to make me focus on my eating. I'm happy to say, it worked!  After the 10 days were up, I had lost 4 pounds.  Now, the weight loss is probably more related to the strict diet rules I followed, as opposed to the Advocare products, but I'm not going to knock the process!

I'm really happy I did it, because it helped open my eyes to just how poorly I was eating. I'm a lot more aware of what I'm putting into my body, and I'm making a conscious effort to make better decisions every day.  I haven't had a soda in more than 14 days, and I plan on keeping that up.  Water and flavored water (with low quantity of sucralose, not aspartame) are my drinks of choice now.  I used to crave something sweet almost every day, and that was just so detrimental to my health. Desserts and sweets are no longer a staple in my diet.  I've made a new rule that I can only have dessert once a week.  I had half a piece of cake the other day, and I felt really bad afterwards. It showed me that the enjoyment I think I get by eating it is just not worth the calories and sugar.  It was eye-opening, and I'm so glad I can realize that now.

I started riding the stationary bike last week.  It's something that my body can handle, without causing me too much pain, and I can do it any time of day.  I'm hoping this exercise, combined with my healthier eating, will continue the weight loss.  Wish me luck!    

Back, Back, Back and Forth

The last update I made about my back was how I was still in constant pain after my surgery.  The next suggestion from my surgeon was to have a spinal fusion.  This would entail removing the protruding disk, inserting a spacer, and fusing the vertebra together above and below it, with rods.  That is a scary proposition because it's a more serious surgery and has a longer recovery time.  I wasn't too thrilled with this, but considering how much this herniated disk is disrupting my life, what are my options?  The interesting thing, however, is that the pain has completely moved to my left side.  My chief complaint before surgery was pain on the right side.  So, this means the diskectomy technically worked because it removed the protrusion on the right side, but now I have a protusion on the left side.  So, same level of pain as before, just in a different place.

This might help you understand what I'm dealing with:

See that piece of crap disk towards the bottom of the picture that is infringing on my spinal nerve?  There's supposed to be a nice, smooth white line running down this pic, and instead there is a bulge in that spot where the arrow is pointing.  That is causing all my problems!

Before deciding to proceed with an additional surgery, I went to get a second opinion from another spinal surgeon.  I brought my post-surgery MRI and they took back x-rays and examined me. This surgeon didn't think a spinal fusion was the next best course of action.  He actually recommended that I get another diskectomy, just on the left side this time.  He also thought an epidural steroid injection in the meantime might be worth a shot.  I've had two of those in the past, on the right side, with no improvement.  Since the process and recovery on those shots is pretty simple, and my insurance is excellent, I figured I might as well try it.

This past Monday I had the epidural steroid injection on the left side.  That day and the day after, I had soreness in my back, which was expected, and no nerve pain on the left side.  This was short-lived, and the pain returned on Wednesday.  I'm back to feeling the same things I did before the shot.  Honestly, I didn't expect the shot to work, but I really wished it had!  I was hoping it would magically calm down all the inflammation around the protrusion, and give the disk a chance to work its way back where it's supposed to be. No such luck. The next step is going back in for a follow-up, and talking about when I should schedule the second diskectomy.  I need a break.  For real.

Nothing Has Changed

I wish I could say that my herniated disk/nerve problems have miraculously improved after my surgery three weeks ago, but they haven't.  It's such a bummer.  I went last week for my 2-week post-surgery checkup with pretty much the same pain I had pre-surgery, so the doctor did a back x-ray.  He said the disk spacing looked good, but the persistent nerve pain was worrisome.  We decided to give it two more weeks, just in case the pain was from my spinal nerve still being inflamed from the actual surgery.  I'm taking anti-inflammatories twice a day and trying to limit my lifting.  If, when I go back next week, I'm still experiencing this intense pain, I'll probably have another MRI done.  Maybe I have a new herniated disk, or maybe the previously herniated disk has degenerated further and pieces are protruding into my spinal nerve again.  There is definitely still something very wrong, because I'm in pain pretty much at all times.  Whatever it is, I just wish we could definitively get it taken care of.  I can't believe this is what my life is now.  I used to run, work out, play sports, take walks with Dutch, do home improvement projects, run errands with ease, rock my son to sleep, etc, etc.  Now, I can barely walk from one side of the house to the other without a throbbing pain in my legs.  I have to stop and take breaks often.  There's no chance I could run, let alone walk around the block.  At the grocery store, I suffer through the pain as I walk down the aisles.  I have to lean forward over the cart to relieve some of the pain, or just stop and squat or sit down to handle it.  I try to mask it around other people, but you can be certain that I'm probably hurting if you see me and I'm not sitting down.  I get choked up when people ask me how I'm doing, because all I can think about is what my life was like last year versus this year.  I'm not happy.  I'm in pain all the time.  I can't be myself.  I can't be the mom I want to be.      

Raw and Real

I mentioned before how tough my first day after surgery was. I almost had a break down that day, because I thought my recovery might be like that every day for the next 2 weeks. Thank goodness I was wrong, and each new day has been a little better than the one before. I stopped taking the muscle relaxers and that gave me a huge reprieve from the dizziness. I was able to sit up the second day, and even walk around some. The third day, I ran errands with my sister for a couple hours. It was very slow-going and at times very painful, but it was nice to get out of the house and have a small semblance of normal life. (I took an epic nap that afternoon)!

The weekend was challenging, because we had a dinner party planned for Sunday, and there was quite a lot that needed to be done around the house. Normally, I would have handled all the preparation and just had Meezy juggle Dutch with me so that it could all get done. Being that I can't lift a finger now, I needed Meezy to handle Dutch exclusively (who happens to be a little fussy lately because he's not feeling well), while also doing all the housework and tasks for Sunday. Stress.

In our household, I try to handle all of the housework. I mean ALL of it. Part of that stems from my job historically being less time-consuming than Jer's. Another part of that stems from me being more anal about the condition and appearance of the house. The last part of that stems from my mentality that I really like the way I do things, and I don't like when other people do them differently. Example: Meezy does laundry differently, and I don't like that, so I'd rather just do it all myself instead of ask for help. This arrangement has worked out fine for us thus far, but when I became incapacitated, things kind of fell apart.

I had a super hard time asking Meezy to do the things I wanted done. When I did ask, I would micro-manage because I wanted them done the way I would've done them. I ended up becoming impatient, getting frustrated with Meezy, and sometimes even doing tasks I shouldn't have been doing.  Meezy became upset with me for being a micro manager instead of a delegator, and for not just laying down and resting and letting him handle things his way. Dutch's fussy behavior added to the tension level because I was never able to contribute in providing him comfort.

There has been an air of frustration around our house for a couple of days, and it really sucks. I hate not being able to do practically anything, and I hate not being able to fulfill my role as a mother.  I don't normally like speaking about conflict I'm having with my husband, because I would prefer everyone to think I have a perfect life.  But, I'm going to swallow my pride on this one and admit that when one person's normal role in the relationship gets severely stunted, it is tough. It puts a strain on the relationship, and it takes patience, understanding, and just plain love to get past it.

With that said, I'm very lucky to have a husband who is stepping up to take care of our son and the house while I recover. While I'd like to think that I'm the best mom in the world and no one could do as good a job as me with Dutch, Meezy actually can. He completely nails it in the father department. I'm also very lucky to have a sister and brother-in-law who live nearby and have lent a hand on numerous occasions already. Lastly,  I'm fortunate that this is just a temporary situation, and I can go back to being super mom and uptight house manager very soon.

Oh. Em. Gee.

Wow, talk about naive.  I had no idea I would be in this much pain after my back surgery.  You all are probably thinking, "Duh. Why wouldn't you be?"  Well, my "lucky" past has included a bone marrow donation, a D&C, a C-section, laparoscopy, and 2 spinal injections.  I've been through a lot, and the recovery was only bad on my C-section.  That was a large incision and major trauma to numerous organs, so I was expecting this procedure to be more like the laparoscopy.  Wrong.  It's just been a bummer of a scenario, for multiple reasons.

My surgery probably lasted from about 1:30pm to 3:30pm yesterday.  I was in recovery for a little while, and then they moved me into a private room.  They started me on pain meds and a liquid diet.  The medication was making me very nauseated, probably because I hadn't eaten all day, so I tried to eat as much as I could when they let me transition to solid food.  After that, I made the trek to the bathroom, and that was quite an ordeal.  It was hard to even push myself up and get into a standing position.  Then, I got pretty dizzy and nauseated walking, so I had to come right back after using the restroom.  I ate a little more and let more time pass, and then decided I would try to walk again.  (To be discharged, you had to be able to eat, use the restroom, and walk).  I requested the nurse's help at 7:20 and she didn't come in until closer to 7:45.  I guess it was a shift change or something, but that's pretty crappy response time.  I was able to walk further by then, but it was very slow-going and I still felt nauseated.  Even though I wasn't feeling well, I really wanted to go home because I wanted to sleep in my own bed, and Meezy needed to relieve my sister, Jo, who was watching Dutch for us.  I asked if I could go ahead and be discharged.  Sweet jeez.  That process took forever.  I don't think we got to leave until close to 10pm.  When you're ready to go home, that delay feels like an eternity.

We got home and I went straight to my bed.  I was beyond exhausted.  I took some more pain medication and put an ice pack on my back and expected to fall asleep quickly.  Wrong.  I don't know if it was the medicine or what, but I could not go to sleep.  I literally slept for maybe 2 hours overnight.  Are you kidding me??

Today, I've been in quite a bit of pain and have no appetite.  That means the medicine makes me weak and dizzy because I don't have any food in my system.  I tried to walk to the bathroom, and I ended up having to stop halfway there and lay on the floor for a few minutes because I felt too dizzy to continue.  Meezy brought me some food and I forced myself to eat it, just in hopes it would make the medicine not affect me so much.  (Nothing like being curled up in the fetal position on your kitchen floor, force-feeding yourself a banana).  So, today has been spent almost entirely on the couch, laying on my side.  If I sit up straight, I get dizzy. Meezy changed the dressing on my incision site today, and I cringed the entire time.  I was terrified it would be excruciating, but it ended up not hurting as badly as I thought it would. Small victories?

From here, I have to get past the surgery pain and recovery, and then see if it actually worked.  Cross every digit on your body that it does, because I need my normal life back!  For the next two weeks, I'm not supposed to lift anything over 5 pounds and avoid bending and twisting.  (You don't realize how much you bend and twist until you're told not to).  I'm also not supposed to drive until I'm off the pain meds and able to use my legs fully.  For the next 6 weeks, I'm not supposed to do house work like vacuuming or mopping, and the only exercise I should do is walking.  Sheisse.  Here's hoping the time goes by quickly and this surgery was worth it.        

Time for Surgery

As mentioned previously, my herniated disk is disrupting my life on a daily basis.  I went through two rounds of injections and they, unfortunately, didn't provide any relief.  After getting another MRI to confirm the situation, and going over the options with my doctor, we've decided to proceed with surgery.  It's a routine procedure with very minimal potential complications, and I get to go home the same day.  The doctor will make a small incision and remove the tiny part of the disk that is protruding.  I'm not worried about the procedure at all, but I am worried about the recovery.  For a few weeks, I'm not supposed to lift anything over 5 pounds.  In case you haven't noticed, my son weighs more than that.  That means I can't put him in his carseat, put him in his highchair, rock him to sleep, pick him up to change his diaper, etc, etc.  You pick up your child quite a bit throughout a normal day!  I'll have to rely on Meezy a lot during this time.  The surgery is supposed to happen next Tuesday.  Keep your fingers crossed this helps me get back to a normal life! 

The Next Attempt

My herniated disk (causing severe sciatica) hadn't gotten any better over the past month, so the next attempt was an epidural cortisone injection.  It's not meant to actually remedy the herniated disk, but it should hopefully provide immediate pain relief so that I can perform exercises and stretches that might help correct the underlying problem.  It's a routine outpatient treatment, so I was happy to give it a shot in favor of a major surgery.  I checked in to the surgical center at 8am yesterday, got IV fluids around 9am, and the procedure started around 10:30.  I was put under general anesthesia, so I had no pain related to the procedure, and was happy to not be awake for it!  Meezy came to pick me up around 11:30 and I was home by noon.  Immediately following the procedure, I was tired and nauseated, but that went away within a couple of hours.  For the rest of the night, my right leg was pretty numb and heavy, so walking was a little scary.  Today, though, I'm not feeling any residual effects from the injection.  I've been told it could take up to two weeks to start feeling relief from it, so I'm anxiously crossing my fingers for that to happen.  There's no telling how long the pain will subside, or if it will even get rid of all the pain, but I'm hopeful it will at least help.  I'm so ready to attack the root of the problem without having to deal with the constant interruptions the sciatica causes my daily life.     

Finally Some Good News

As mentioned in previous posts, I've been battling some health issues recently.  I haven't written out the full details on this blog, because I didn't want everyone worrying about me.  We weren't sure what was going on, so I figured I would wait until we had more information before I shared the full situation with the world.  First things first, I'm finally done with my weekly blood draws!  It took FIVE weeks, but my hcg went down to zero.  What a relief. 

Now, on to another issue I've been dealing with.  I've said a little about the cyst that was found under my right kidney during the MRI for my back.  The doctor wasn't too worried, thinking it was either filled with protein or blood, but protocol dictated that we investigate it further.  I went in for an ultrasound a couple of weeks ago.  The results from that weren't great.  The ultrasound told them that it wasn't a cyst, but instead a mass.  "Mass" is a nicer way to say tumor.  That's not what I wanted to hear.  Doing a biopsy would be invasive, because of its location, so my doctor ordered a CT scan first.  While I waited for my appointment for the scan, my mind wandered to a lot of different places.  Most of the time I told myself it was nothing, and I had nothing to worry about.  But, of course, there were those fleeting moments where I thought about it being something more, something cancerous.  You want to stay positive, but you also can't live in a utopia where bad stuff only happens to other people.  All I could do was wait.

I had the CT scan last Friday.  It was "with contrast," which means I had to get the contrast fluid administered through an IV.  I did some research on what contrast is, and what its potential side effects are, and I started to get nervous.  It took three tries before they were able to get the IV set up correctly.  Not a good start!  Luckily the scans took less than 30 minutes and before long, I was on my way home.  I didn't have a reaction to the contrast, so that was a blessing.  Just more waiting until I got the results.

Last night, I got an email from my doctor with the findings.  The CT showed that the kidney mass was just a benign, fatty tumor.  Benign is a glorious word to see!  Feel free to tease me about having a "fatty" tumor, though.  Lol.  I don't care!            

Health Updates

I feel like my body is just a walking disaster. I know a lot of people have health issues when they get older, but seriously, I'm not even 30 yet! After my surgery last month to remove the ectopic pregnancy, I've had to go back for weekly blood tests to make sure the hcg level returns to zero. I was hoping last week's blood draw would be the last, but of course that's not my luck.

1/11 - 4946 (right before the surgery)
1/18 - 474
1/25 - 73
1/31 - 34

So close to zero! I have to do another one this week and it would be awesome if there weren't any more after that.

As far as my sciatica, I got the results of my MRI and the scans showed a bulging disk. The L4 has a "tiny disc extrusion with minimal inferior extension resulting in right subarticular recess stenosis and encroachment of the descending L5 nerve root." That's a lot of medical mumbo jumbo, but it translates to being in pain hours out of each day, and not being able to stand or walk for very long. I'm seeing a back specialist today and we'll hopefully start a treatment plan.

During my MRI, they also uncovered a "hyperintense cystic lesion" under my right kidney, which may mean a blood or protein cyst. What the heck? Can I just deal with one thing at a time, please? Now I have to schedule an ultrasound to get that looked into to see if it's an area of concern.

Sigh.

Thank goodness for good insurance.

MRI, Here I Come

As I mentioned in a previous post, I've been battling some nerve pain in my back/leg/butt on the right side over the past couple of months.  It's progressively gotten worse, and even spread to the left side as well.  It's gotten so bad recently that I can't stand or walk around for much more than 5 minutes without being in pain. I have to stop and sit down or crouch down when walking for extended periods (like while grocery shopping).  If I sit up completely straight, I get a shooting pain in my butt.  If I stretch my leg out completely, I get a shooting pain.  If I stand up to walk after being seated for a while, I start out hunched over because it's too painful to walk completely upright at first.  It's quite frustrating.  It really disrupts so many aspects of my daily life.  I've gone to a few PT appointments, but since it just seems to be getting worse, I decided I needed to do something more.  I have an MRI scheduled for next week, to see if we can try to get to the root of the problem.  I'm a little nervous about what the MRI could potentially uncover, but I have got to figure out how to stop this pain!  I just want to go back to my normal life. 

Side note - My physical therapist did determine that I have diastasis recti, or abdominal separation.  This happened as a result of my pregnancy.  It's not that big of a deal, and might not be related at all to the nerve pain I've been having.  I just think it's kinda gross to look at the picture and see what that means.  Bleh.

 

PurpleStride DFW

I forgot to write about the 5K I completed with my sisters a couple of weeks ago.  We participated in the PurpleStride DFW race, which benefited the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network.  My Opa died from pancreatic cancer about 11 years ago, so we figured this one would at least have some meaning for us.  I'm happy to report that I finished in my fastest time to date, at 30:15.  Hopefully by the next one I can break the 30 minute mark!  I'm typically not a great runner in the winter months because the cold air makes it harder on my breathing, but maybe I can still run at least one more in the next couple of months.

      

The Loop

This past Saturday was supposed to be cold and rainy, which didn't bode well for running a 5K with my sister.  But, the rain held off, and we just did battle with the crisp low 50s temperatures.  We ran the Loop 5K, put on by the Dallas Running Club (which we recently joined).  Our goal, as always, was just to finish without walking.  I thought the cold might get in the way of that, but apparently it inspired us!  We felt really good at the halfway point, and actually increased our pace for the remainder of the race.  We ended up finishing in about 31 minutes and 33 seconds.  That's certainly nothing to brag about, but considering I had to stop numerous times in the 5K I ran in April, and finished in about 33 minutes in the 5K I ran in August, it just goes to show that I'm continually improving.  I look forward to these races getting easier and easier in the coming months!

Other fun activities from over the weekend included watching the Tech game at a friend's house:

Love that they have a chalkboard on their pantry door

Looking so spiffy in his button-up! 

And checking out a food truck-a-palooza/carnival being held near my sister's house:

Loved the fact that Dutch got to wear some of his cute winter clothes

  How will I ever say no to this sweet face?

Small Victories

My sister and I completed the Summer Bath Run 5K at White Rock Lake on Sunday, and we achieved our goal!  We weren't hoping to finish in any particular time; we were just hoping to finish without having to walk any part of it!  It was mother-flippin' hot, and we definitely got the urge to take a break towards the end, but we held steady and ran all the way through.  Our time was a little less than 33 minutes, which is nowhere near impressive, but it's a great step for us.  Now we know we can run 3.1 miles without stopping, and we know what time to beat in our next 5K.  I don't remember what my best time has ever been in the past, but I remember running about a 31 minute 5K two years ago.  I need to at least get back to that point!  The funny thing about this race was that there were so few participants so we actually placed pretty high up for our age and weight range.  I missed out on getting an award in my age range by 2 seconds.  My sister actually placed second in the "Athena" weight range and got a trophy!  Haha.  We were stunned, but I think we've stumbled onto something - enter the really small races and you might get a prize!  We're looking to enter another 5K next month, and then we're already signed up for the Jailbreak Run too.  Gotta keep moving!