Monday, May 27, 2013

Raw and Real

I mentioned before how tough my first day after surgery was. I almost had a break down that day, because I thought my recovery might be like that every day for the next 2 weeks. Thank goodness I was wrong, and each new day has been a little better than the one before. I stopped taking the muscle relaxers and that gave me a huge reprieve from the dizziness. I was able to sit up the second day, and even walk around some. The third day, I ran errands with my sister for a couple hours. It was very slow-going and at times very painful, but it was nice to get out of the house and have a small semblance of normal life. (I took an epic nap that afternoon)!

The weekend was challenging, because we had a dinner party planned for Sunday, and there was quite a lot that needed to be done around the house. Normally, I would have handled all the preparation and just had Meezy juggle Dutch with me so that it could all get done. Being that I can't lift a finger now, I needed Meezy to handle Dutch exclusively (who happens to be a little fussy lately because he's not feeling well), while also doing all the housework and tasks for Sunday. Stress.

In our household, I try to handle all of the housework. I mean ALL of it. Part of that stems from my job historically being less time-consuming than Jer's. Another part of that stems from me being more anal about the condition and appearance of the house. The last part of that stems from my mentality that I really like the way I do things, and I don't like when other people do them differently. Example: Meezy does laundry differently, and I don't like that, so I'd rather just do it all myself instead of ask for help. This arrangement has worked out fine for us thus far, but when I became incapacitated, things kind of fell apart.

I had a super hard time asking Meezy to do the things I wanted done. When I did ask, I would micro-manage because I wanted them done the way I would've done them. I ended up becoming impatient, getting frustrated with Meezy, and sometimes even doing tasks I shouldn't have been doing.  Meezy became upset with me for being a micro manager instead of a delegator, and for not just laying down and resting and letting him handle things his way. Dutch's fussy behavior added to the tension level because I was never able to contribute in providing him comfort.

There has been an air of frustration around our house for a couple of days, and it really sucks. I hate not being able to do practically anything, and I hate not being able to fulfill my role as a mother.  I don't normally like speaking about conflict I'm having with my husband, because I would prefer everyone to think I have a perfect life.  But, I'm going to swallow my pride on this one and admit that when one person's normal role in the relationship gets severely stunted, it is tough. It puts a strain on the relationship, and it takes patience, understanding, and just plain love to get past it.

With that said, I'm very lucky to have a husband who is stepping up to take care of our son and the house while I recover. While I'd like to think that I'm the best mom in the world and no one could do as good a job as me with Dutch, Meezy actually can. He completely nails it in the father department. I'm also very lucky to have a sister and brother-in-law who live nearby and have lent a hand on numerous occasions already. Lastly,  I'm fortunate that this is just a temporary situation, and I can go back to being super mom and uptight house manager very soon.

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

I totally know how you feel! I felt the exact same way when I was on bedrest for months last year. It's so tough asking for help to do all the things you're used to doing. But hopefully it will be worth it in the end and you'll feel better soon!